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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27117610">North of Regret</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndreaRyan/pseuds/AndreaRyan'>AndreaRyan</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Declarations Of Love, Fictober, First Kiss, Full Moon, M/M, Marauders, Post-Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Post-Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Scotland, Werewolves, fictober 20, fictober20, mission</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 17:47:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,894</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27117610</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndreaRyan/pseuds/AndreaRyan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus heads out on a mission to find a colony of werewolves with Sirius by his side. It's the first time they spent with each other since the night in the Shrieking Shack when all got well and bad again. Now, they are trying to figure out where they stand, who they are and for Remus - if he still loves Sirius like he did when they were teenagers.</p><p>Written for Fictober 2020 - prompt 4. "That didn't stop you before."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>North of Regret</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Remus couldn’t take his eyes off Sirius. It wasn’t because he would look particularly good or bad, but simply because he was there. Having Sirius next to him once more felt both right - because it was always meant to be that way - and wrong - because how was it possible they ended up like this? It was a situation full of contradictions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What even were the last fourteen years of their lives? How did they skip from being fresh out of school and fighting in a war to being in their mid-thirties, walking next to each other as two strangers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the offer to go on a mission for the Order came, a wave of excitement swallowed Remus. An odd dejavu to the moment of his first mission for the Order. One, which was not all too different from the one he was currently on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The last time he went alone, and returned beaten up and bleeding. Sirius was furious and shouted at Dumbledore for pressuring Remus into it. The truth was, Remus didn’t need much persuading. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The same day Dumbledore offered the mission, he saw Sirius sneak out of Marleen McKinnon’s room in the morning, face of someone who felt guilty but also quite proud of themselves. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So yes, traveling north to meet with a colony of werewolves was a welcomed trip indeed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Currently, they sat in an empty cupé of a train heading to Scotland, Padfoot staring out of the window with his paws pressed to the glass and tongue hanging out of his mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus brought a book. It laid open in his lap, and sometimes he ever read from it or flipped the pages. When he first took the book out of his bag, he could almost swear Padfoot rolled his eyes at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was quiet in the cupé, apart from the lulling sounds of the train moving and Padfoot’s heavy breathing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Halfway through their journey a young couple joined them in. They spoke in a funny high pitched accent Remus couldn’t quite place, and the woman gave Padfoot a kind smile when he laid by her feet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Sorry about that,' Remus apologized, glaring at Padfoot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Don’t worry about it. I don’t mind at all.' She patted Padfoot’s head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Two stations later the couple left and they were alone again. Padfoot returned to his staring out of the window and Remus pretended to read some more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sky was dark blue when they got to a little inn where they were meant to spend the couple of nights they had in Scotland. The first floor of the humble establishment was taken by a pub where the locals were collected despite the growing darkness outside or maybe, because of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A large fireplace which filled half of the pub with warm orange hue, the other half lit with dim electric lamps on the walls and candles flaming proudly on the tables.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No one paid much attention to Remus when they entered. Padfoot kept close to him as they walked to the bar which acted as a front desk too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'I have a room booked here on the name of Remus Lupin,' he announced to a large woman who stood behind the bar, her apron spotten with colourful dots of everything she’d been serving that night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Just a moment, darling.' She gave him a wide smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Automatically, Remus’ hand found Padfoot’s head and he ran his fingers over it. Something moved next to Remus and when he looked down, a little girl stood next to him, eyes fixed on Padfoot. She seemed to be around eight and when Remus scanned the pub for her parents, they didn’t appear to be near. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Hi,' he said eventually. The girl looked up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Hi,' she replied. 'I like your dog.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'His name is Padfoot.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Padfoot pressed his snout to the girl’s hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'I am Lily,' she introduced herself - more to Pafoot than Remus. A familiar pain made itself known in Remus’ heart. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Lily.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Pafoot let out a little whine, signalling it hurt him just the same it hurt Remus to hear the name.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'He likes you,' Remus stated, getting her attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Usually, Remus didn’t spend much time among muggle children - they tended to gawk at his scars until their parents chided them for it. Lily, however, seemed to care little for his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'How long are you staying?'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'A couple of days.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Can I walk him sometimes?'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus hesitated. 'He might be too big for you. But, if your parents allow it, you can play with him.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked around again. The woman he spoke to before was rushing back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'I am so sorry, dear. Lily, have you been bothering the nice man?'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lily puffed out her cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'I was just talking to him.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'I am sorry,' the woman repeated with a smile. Remus assumed she was Lily’s mother. 'She loves dogs.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'No problem,' Remus assured her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just a few minutes later, she led them to a cozy room upstairs. She offered to bring him dinner and something for Padfoot which Remus accepted gratefully. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The room was small, barely big enough for a single bed, a dresser and a small table with one chair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Padfoot transformed into Sirius once the woman left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'There’s just one bed,' he stated before anything else. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus looked up from his stew. 'Yes, well, she probably didn’t think you would need a bed.' </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius growled as Remus took another bite. 'It’s too small for both of us.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A piece of bread got stuck in Remus' throat and he let out a loud cough. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Until then, it didn’t even cross his mind that they could share the bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Yes,' Remus said when he got his coughing under control. 'I suppose it is. You can have it.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius watched the bed for a few moments and it crossed Remus’ mind how very little he knew about Sirius’ life since 1981. He knew about Azkaban and he had a vague idea of what the inside looked like. Two years after Sirius got locked up, Remus tried to research all he could about the place, but he never found a picture representing the inside of the cells.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Where would you sleep? On the ground? No. You have it. Full moon’s close. Get rest.' </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Or we can share it. We can try at least. It will be like the old days when you crawled in my bed when you had a nightmare.' Remus’ lips twitched at the memory. It somehow felt both like yesterday and another lifetime. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus pushed the bowl of stew towards Sirius.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Eat. I’ll take a shower.' </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he was left alone, water falling over his face, Remus wondered why Dumbledore insisted Remus took Sirius with him. Did he assume Remus would be grateful to have an old friend back? Did he think it would be good for Sirius to make him feel useful? Why did Dumbledore ever do anything? On some days, Remus doubted there was any great plan and instead he believed Dumbledore did anything he deemed right at that point. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Remus returned to the bedroom, Sirius stood by the window, peering out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus walked to him slowly. The night was patched up with yellow light in the window and the side of the road. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'That little girl was nice,' Sirius noted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus nodded. 'Yes. And she was quite smitten with you.' </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius smiled as if he remembered an old joke. Then the smile disappeared in a wave of gloominess.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'I am glad you’re not going alone this time. It’s dangerous.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'It’s not that dangerous,' Remus protested. 'I am one of them to some extent.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Still,' Sirius said, eyes fixed on something on the street. 'I don’t like the idea of you looking for them alone.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Aren’t you scared? Walking into a colony of werewolves close to the full moon?' </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'No,' Sirius replied quickly. Voice so resolute it suggested he was convinced he saw worse. Something heavy settled in Remus’ stomach when he realized that he probably had. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Let’s get some sleep tomorrow will be long.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After Sirius showered too, he climbed into the single bed where Remus already laid, pressed as close to the wall as possible. Even when they didn’t touch, Sirius’ presence was overwhelming. The smell of orange blossoms from the soap and the warmth which always radiated from Sirius and which didn’t fail to reach him now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they laid there in silence, slowly the old feelings began to resurface. Hints of excitement of young love, pain of heartbreak, regret over the unspoken. Years of hurt stored carefully in the back of his head where he’d only came across it on exceptionally odd lonely days. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His thoughts were momentarily silenced by Sirius’ snores. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus smiled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Next morning, after a breakfast in the pub, where Remus fed Padfoot a fair share of his meal, they headed out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus had a vague idea of where the colony lived. That meant they could still miss them, especially if they were using protective charms as he suspected. Padfoot padded next to him, sometimes sniffing traces that Remus’ senses couldn’t catch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They walked till noon, then - in the middle of nowhere - Sirius changed back and they sat on the ground, eating sandwiches. Remus rolled out a map and crossed out the spots where they’ve been already. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'We shouldn’t go much further if we want to get back before sunset,' Sirius said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus nodded in agreement and put the map back into his backpack. They returned back with pink and orange blossoming above their heads.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lily and a few other children were on a playground in front of the inn. As soon as she spotted them, she rushed to meet them on the pavement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Hi!' She grinned at Remus, then her gaze fell to Padfoot who sat next to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Hello,' Remus replied fondly, a smile spreading on his lips. 'I assume you want to play with Padfoot.' </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded eagerly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Did your mother say you can?' </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another affirmative nod.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus looked at Padfoot who wagged his tail, not showing any sign of being worn down by the day of walking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Alright then. I’ll be inside if you need me. I’ll pick him up after dinner.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Oh, thank you!' She hugged Padfoot.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next two days brought nothing more than the first. Remus was beginning to be restless. They now only had less than a week before the full moon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first time Remus went searching for a colony, Dumbledore told him to spend a full moon with them to earn their trust. A fact which was not only understandable, but the only reason the colony promised to join them. The same fact which enraged Sirius even more, and Remus barely held him back when he shouted he was going to kill Dumbledore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As far as he knew, not many members of the colony survived the war, some joined Voldemort at the end, but even that did not save them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If the word got out, Remus doubted they would be willing to help him. That’s why he wished Sirius had stayed with the Order. Partially, he hoped the rumours were wrong and they wouldn’t find anyone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The fourth day of their stay in Scotland crushed his hopes as he sensed a hint of their presence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'We’re close,' he told Padfoot, fingers threading through energy lines in search of the barrier. Once he touched it, he stilled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'My name is Remus Lupin. I am one of you. I come in peace.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'I am bringing a message from Albus Dumbledore.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Padfoot pressed himself closer to Remus. They waited, but no reply came. Just as Remus was about to turn back and catch the first train back to London, a woman stepped through the barrier. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wore a loose dress and a long cardigan and her light hair reached down to her hips. Her skin was pale, nose crooked and her left cheek had a series of claw marks imprinted in it. She must have been in her early thirties. Her eyes were green and narrow and promised a history of pain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'I know who you are, Remus Lupin.' Her gaze dropped to Padfoot. 'And you, Sirius Black.' </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus barely contained his shock when she addressed Sirius. Not even Azkaban knew he was an Animagi. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius shifted to his human form. 'Now that you know who we are, you might invite us for tea.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus resisted the urge to kick him. 'What he meant to say is: We would be grateful if you’d listen to what we got to say.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She frowned. 'I already know what you want to say, and we are not interested. You got way too many of us killed. We are not front line soldiers to be sacrificed. You are lucky I’ll let you walk away. Now leave. And stop snooping in my forest.' </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that she returned behind the barrier, and out of their sight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Now what?' Sirius asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus watched the place where the woman disappeared. 'We go back.' </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius remained his human self, but they didn’t talk. Remus was worried they were being followed, so he didn’t dare to speak until they were laying in bed that night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Go back to London. I’ll stay and turn with them. It will help. They’ll hear me then.' </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'What?' Sirius sat up on the bed. 'No way. Forget about that. It’s too dangerous.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'That’s why I am here. It’s ok. I am one of them.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'That girl said you’re lucky she’s not going to kill you. You are not one of them.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus frowned, staring at the ceiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'I have to,' Remus declared. 'Dumbledore had a good reason to send me here. He wouldn’t ask me to do it if it wasn’t necessary.' </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'But he also asked me to come, and I won’t let you go back. It’s stupid!'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus closed his eyes for a second, then let out a sigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'It is not stupid. Not to mention I can take care of myself.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'I know you can, but you don’t even know how many of them are there. And there was something off about her. How did she know who I was?'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus brow darkened with worry. He couldn’t stop thinking about that either. How did she know? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'There’s no reason to discuss this further. I made up my mind.' </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius groaned and sprung out of the bed. He paced across the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Why are you so damn stubborn?' he asked after long minutes of silence filled with nothing but footsteps. Sirius’ voice had shades of frustration at its edges, and it wasn’t hard to tell he used all his strength not to shout. The old Sirius would be shaking Remus till his bones rattled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'You’re the one to talk.' Remus lifted a corner of his lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius stopped, hands on his hips and eyes of disbelief. on Remus.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Do you find this funny?' </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'I find you amusing.' </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Remus, we are talking about something which might as well get you killed.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Well, that never stopped you before. Did it? By the time we graduated you pulled off more stunts which could easily cost you a limb or life more time than I’d care to count.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'That was different.' Sirius folded his arms on his chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Was it? You are friends with a werewolf. And you spent dozens of full moons with me. You became Animagi - illegally. You pissed off the spiders on multiple occasions.' </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius smiled fondly at the memory. 'And the squid.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'And the centaurs.' </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'And Bloody Baron.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'And Peeves.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Very often, yes,’ Sirius agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'You and James are the reason why first years are not allowed to bring their own brooms.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Wait, really?' </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The smile on Sirius’ lips grew. 'James would be so proud of that.' </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat down on the bed. Remus threw his legs over the edge, so he could sit next to each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Harry apparently pulled off a similar stunt in his first year. Except that he did it because the young Malfoy boy was bullying Neville Longbottom and he didn’t crush his broom into the Whomping Willow - he became a seeker.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'He’s a good kid - Harry, I mean.' </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Remus’ memory travelled to the brief moments he spent with the boy, his lips instinctively lifted up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'He is. Don’t worry. We’ll clear your name eventually, and you’ll be able to spend time with him - as a free man.' </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius nodded, but it was hard to tell if he believed Remus.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Can I ask you something?'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Sure.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Why didn’t you contact Harry? I understand you couldn’t raise him, but why wouldn’t you write to him?' </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'I wrote to him,' Remus said. 'But I never sent any of the letters. I wasn't sure they’d be welcomed. I didn’t do anything to help Lily or James. Didn’t protect them…' his voice trailed off, leaving the rest of his remorse unvoiced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'There was nothing you could do. If there was someone who could stop it, it was me.' Sirius reached for his hand and squeezed it tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'But you did. You traded places with Peter and then you went after him. You did all you could.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'I should have traded places with you. Pete was always a rat.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'I would have done the same in your shoes. You can’t blame yourself for what happened, Sirius. Their blood is not on your hands.' </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Well, neither is it on yours and if you took this mission because you think otherwise, let’s go back at once.' </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'It’s not just that,' Remus promised. 'I want to help the Order. I want to feel useful. Without Dumbledore...God knows what would happen to me.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Is that why you went the last time?'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus hesitated. He couldn’t tell the truth, so he just said: 'Among other reasons. Why did you agree to go?' </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The question was mostly a tactic to divert Sirius’ attention elsewhere, but his curiosity called to be satisfied, too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius chuckled. 'Isn’t it obvious?'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'No?'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'I went because I wanted to spend time with you.' </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The way he said it tightened all of Remus’ muscles and he suddenly felt heavy. Were he not sitting, he was sure his knees would shake so much they wouldn’t be able to hold him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'You’re all I have,' he added when Remus didn’t say anything. Suddenly, his stomach felt even heavier and his senses were dizzy and confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius wasn’t exaggerating and the longer Remus thought about it, the harder the realization dawned on him that they were the same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'You’re all I have too,' he breathed out, nearly in shock. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sat there in silence and neither one of them said anything when Sirius took Remus’ hand in his. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they fell asleep that night, their hands still clasped one another. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Remus no longer attempted to persuade Sirius to leave. They spent the days they had left till the full moon wandering around, avoiding the colony. On some days, they were completely silent. They walked next to each other, Sirius rarely changing to his human form and when they returned, Lily waited for them, ready to play with Padfoot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At night, they slept on their sides, Sirius holding onto Remus for dear life, pressing him to his chest so hard, Remus sometimes woke up, struggling to breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the morning, they got up, pretending like nothing ever happened and the needing embraces were but a friendly hug. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The day before full moon, Remus packed their scarce belongings while Padfoot played with Lily one last time. The girl expressed her regret to see them go and Remus had to promise that were they ever in the area again, they would visit the inn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the forest, Remus’ fingers gripped the straps of his backpack, leaves whispered and crunched under their feet. Padfoot would bump his snout into Remus’ calf here and there and Remus interpreted it as encouragement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The closer they were to the colony, the less sure he was about his plan. About a mile before the border, he stopped and looked at Padfoot. He crouched down and touched the side of his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'You can still go back. Wait for me by the edge of the forest,' Remus offered, but Padfoot only barked at him and remained at the spot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Alright.' Remus nodded, straightening up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sky above them was almost dark when they reached the colony. Remus stood in front of the invisible barrier, part of him expecting a group of werewolves to launch at him and tear him into pieces. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When nothing happened, he hung his backpack high on a tree, took off his shirt and sat down on the moss covered ground. Padfoot curled next to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In his bones, Remus knew he wouldn’t stay human for much longer. Sweat collected on his forehead, skin hurting. His heartbeat became frantic and it got harder to breath. He only had minutes left. One by one the vertebrae of his spine caught fire. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just seconds now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A groan of pain slipped past his lips, and the last thing he saw was the young woman, walking through the barrier, naked, eyes glowing, teeth sharp and ready to sink into him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>By his side, Padfoot barked once more. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Someone was licking his hand. Remus came to wakefulness with a frown on his face and hand covered in saliva. His eyes followed the source of it. Padfoot sat by his side, wiggling his tail, tongue hanging happily from his mouth. Remus smiled at the dog.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I told him he could turn human now, but he seemed to like this form. He was by your side the whole time,’ a female voice explained to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus looked around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was lying on the ground on something warm and fluffy which seemed to be furs. There were many pillows and warm blankets, most of them covering his naked form. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Embarrassment poured over him as he realized he had to be carried into the hut like this, and that his spare clothes still hung on the tree where he left it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat up and searched for the voice which spoke to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The young woman stood by a fireplace, brewing something in a cauldron. She was dressed in the same dress he saw her in earlier. In the light of the fire, her scars were deeper. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She poured something from the cauldron into a cup and handed it to Remus. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sniffed it doubtfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘It’s just something for the pain, but don’t drink it if you don’t trust me. But, if I wanted to kill you, I would have done it while you were out.' She smiled at Padfoot. 'Though I am not sure he’d let me. Is he in dog form all the time?’ </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘No, but he doesn’t usually turn until I wake up again - unless I need him to.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As to prove his words, Sirius took his human form. He sat next to Remus, glaring at the woman. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Hm. Interesting. Well, dogs tend to be loyal. Should I get you a bowl of water?’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Should I bite you now or are we keeping that for later?’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Sirius,’ Remus warned quietly. ‘Don’t.’ He took a sip of what now appeared to be but a herbal brew with honey. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Thank you for taking me in and treating me.’ </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. ‘You received quite a lot of gashes last night. There was some bitting, too. I might have sunk my teeth in your side, too.’ She grinned at him as if it was all just child’s play.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus pushed the blankets aside and examined a spot where a large bite mark was now healing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A warning growl ripped through the back of Sirius’ throat, but he didn’t say anything. Slowly, the woman’s word caught up with Remus. ‘You remember what happens when you transform?’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was unheard of. He put the pieces together. She was their leader. Though young, her uniqueness made her more powerful than any other werewolf he ever encountered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘You’re a prophet?’ he said more as a question than a statement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Not really. I can’t always see the future. I often know things, but I don’t know whether they happened or they are yet to come true. The memory, I think, is a side effect.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Fascinating,’ Remus breathed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius rolled his eyes and muttered: ‘That’s a strong word.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘No reason to be jealous. I have no interest in your man whatsoever.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus frowned again, but he ignored her comment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Now to why you’re here. We don’t want to work with Dumbledore. We all know what happened to the last colony which agreed to help you. The wolves accepted you and you are welcomed to return whenever you want. Both of you. I can even offer you to stay and live with us. But, we will not fight. Our whole lives are endless fights. The wizarding community banished us, forced us to live like this. They don’t get to come begging us to join their wars now.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus nodded. He had no interest to persuade her otherwise. His mission was to give them the message. Now, after the full moon, he could return with clear conscience, knowing he did all Dumbledore wanted him to do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I understand. I will tell him,’ he promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> ‘Thank you. Maybe I was wrong to judge you when we first met. It’s getting late. You were out for most of the day. Stay the night. I’ll sleep elsewhere. We’ll have dinner outside. Join us - unless you’re too tired.’ She stood up and threw his back backpack at him. ‘I figured you’d want this.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius caught the backpack for him. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>When she left, Remus put on his clothes and sat back down into the nest of furs and blankets. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Why didn’t you try to persuade her?’ Sirius asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Because the last time I did, I killed almost a whole colony.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius frowned. ‘So, why did we come here? Why risk your life?’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Because I promised Dumbledore.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius shook his head and huffed out a tired snigger. ‘You’re such an idiot! Was this your plan the whole time?’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Partially.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘How could you be so sure they wouldn’t tear you apart? It looked like it at one point.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus finished the brew and set the cup aside. ‘I wasn’t. I hoped - for the sake of both of us.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The punch that landed on his left shoulder then was not the kind of reaction Remus expected. ‘Hey, I am hurt, remember?’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘You can take it. Merlin, you’re unbelievable. Moony, you haven’t changed in the slightest.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Well.’ Remus smiled. ‘You’re still the same stubborn dog I remember, so I guess we’re even.’</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Any sign of amusement evaporated from Sirius’ face. ‘Will you stay here?’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘What?’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘She offered you to stay here. Will you? You said you don’t have anyone. Here, you’d be among your people.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘No, I said I only have you left,’ he reminded Sirius. ‘And…I don’t wish to live in a place like this. I belong with the Order. And so do you. And I don’t know. Maybe, when the war is over and the Order loses its purpose, I might move somewhere closer to nature, but no. I don’t think I want to stay. Do you?’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I will go where you go,’ Sirius announced lightly as if it was the clearest thing in the world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘You don’t have to act like a dog all the time, you know.’ </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius chuckled and threw himself at Remus. He licked the side of his neck, up to his jaw.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Merlin!’ Remus shrieked, but soon laughed as Sirius’ weight pushed him on his back. Suddenly, he was seventeen and crushing on his best friend. Now, this friend was on him, awakening all the feelings Remus tried to bury since the early eighties. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Mate. Stop it!’ He laughed. ‘That’s disgusting.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius propped himself up on one elbow, the rest of his weight resting on his hand which remained by Remus’ head, angeling him so he was way too close to Remus. Much closer than they’d consider appropriate even when still at school.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Disgusting? Did you just call me disgusting?’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I called your actions disgusting,’ Remus corrected him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius hummed, face so close to Remus’, their noses almost touched.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘You know, I thought of this a lot in Azkaban. You were my biggest regret. I always meant to say something, but it was never the right time, and suddenly, I was chasing Pettigrew and everything got fucked up.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I was your biggest regret?’ Remus asked, not sure what to think of Sirius’ words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His proximity was intoxicating and it made it nearly impossible to think straight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Yes, because I never got to kiss you.’ Sirius lifted himself a little and put two fingers on Remus’ lips. ‘I always wanted to, but I figured-’ He didn’t get to finish.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus grabbed the back of his neck and brought Sirius close, so their lips met in a kiss which was about fourteen years too late. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius pressed himself even tighter to Remus. All the years apart dissolved with each kiss. They were whole again. The long time in which Remus convinced himself his feelings were one-sided now seemed silly and completely wasted. This, he could have had this years ago, but somehow it didn’t matter, and he didn’t regret anything, because Sirius was there, he was above him and he wasn’t going anywhere.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-The End</span>
</p>
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